In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
