i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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