ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
