I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
