you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
