What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Someone came in the potted fern
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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