I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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