Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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