one word: firstdatebathroomanal
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
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