some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
