he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
