i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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