It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
