so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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