Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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