a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
