ugly people sure do ruin things
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
