You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
