Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
