I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
