You made me cry and you don't even care
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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