Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
