So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You were trust falling into bushes
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh god it's open bar.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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