I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
