I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
