okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
