I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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