Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
