I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
