just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
