My sheets look like a crime scene.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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