Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
