I'm drive I can fine osifer
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
