who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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