Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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