im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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