hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
