I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
