I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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