I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
