Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
