I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
