well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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