She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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