fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
