doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
