The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
