you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
