I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
smell my finger.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
