dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
