I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
too bad you live with your parents still
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
