it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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