Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
