Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
